


Atlas

by hedaandtheheart



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: F/M, Reylo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 16:27:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13239603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedaandtheheart/pseuds/hedaandtheheart
Summary: ~angsty reylo scenes~ and some other things but mostly ~angsty reylo scenes~





	1. Chapter 1

"Get some rest, Rey," Leia places a hand on my shoulder, "The galaxy will still be here when you get back." 

My breath hitches and my head shakes. I see it in her eyes these days. It is a flicker of worry. I remind her of him. This breaks me.

"I can't sleep." The words fall out like water breaking through a dam. My eyes flood with hot tears. I choke out, "He's in my dreams."

"He can't hurt you there," Leia smiles weakly. I'm not sure if she believes that but my body is achingly tired. I crawl into bed without anymore protesting. But I won't close my eyes. I know what I'll see. Instead, I fix my gaze on the grey cieling. 

I tell myself quietly, "Ben Solo is gone. Kylo Ren is a ghost."

Instantly, I feel his presence. Lying next to me, there is a weight, body heat, a tug on the sheets. He is looking at the cieling too. The contours of his face catch the shadows in a menacing way. A way that would have scared me once, but now I am numb. 

"Go away," I command softly, too tired to fight. Our shoulders are brushing against each other, our backs pressed firmly to the bed.

"You're further away now. I can feel it," he pauses, "in the force. You're pulling away from me."

I turn, forcing my head to look back up at the cieling. If I stare too long at his face, it transmutes into something softer - more human. The low tones in his voice seem to vibrate the air around me, but I know he isn't real. I can feel his minty breath hit my nose, ice cold. His hair smells like smoke, sprawled out on the pillow behind me. I think, I'm closer to him now than ever before.

"And you're still chasing. What is it you think I can give you?" I breathe. The sound of my voice echoes in my room, hangs there for a moment. He has time to think. And so do I. What could I offer him? A scavenger from Jakku. 

"Peace," he deadpans, head turning slightly. I can feel his eyes tracing my profile. "Look at me."

"I can't."

"Look at me."

I turn my head and meet his stare. His lips are parted, dark eyes blanketed in night. It is his face, just as I've known it, but somehow still jarring to me each time. I watch as his jaw clenches tight, his nostrils flare, his eyes blink. He is waiting for my reaction to his image, his desperate attempt to humanize himself. I swallow hard and hold his gaze, terrified to blink. I tell myself he isn't real. He is a vision of something calculated. He may have taken off the helmet, but he is still a creature in a mask. I open my mouth to strike, to tear him down, push him out. But instead, something much more honest comes out.

"I am tired of fighting" I whisper, "I am being pulled apart."

His fingers reach out, to touch my cheek, but I jerk away and wipe my tears. I notice now that he is wearing soft black pajamas. They fall thinly over his torso. I watch his chest rise and fall with heavy breaths. Sometimes, it feels like I have two hearts. One is mine, and one is inside of him, beating frantically. 

"I can't give you peace, Ben. People like you and I, we aren't made for peace."

"You're right," he speaks, softer even then before, reaching for my face again, "There is no peace. Only momentary relief."

My breath hitches. Momentary relief. When we touch, there is a balance. All of my agony, all of my fear, it seems to bubble inside of me. I find myself welcoming his hand this time, as it lands warmly on my cheek. My emotions pull up from the depths to which I have repressed them. They push at my skin, my tingling palms, my quivering lips. The intensity of feeling is pulsating.

"When I'm with you-" I start.

"Everything falls away," he finishes, vanishing, like a dream. I am alone again. 

***

Its morning and I wake to the sensation of eyes on me. 

"Ben," I snap, sitting up.

"I can see you," his voice booms, "I am coming."

I stand, alert, but I don't see him in the room.

"You can't see me! Ben! How can you know where I am!" But there is no response. He is gone. And I can feel it. The absence of him whistles between my ribs, hollowing out the place he normally rests. The connection won't allow him to see my surroundings. There is something else now, some other way he has entered my world. He's found me. And we have to run.


	2. In The Wake of Him

The heat enveloped me as I submerged my naked body in the tub. Steam filled the air, fogging over the mirrored walls and putting the room in a white haze. Inside, I could already feel myself flooding. My fingers, stomach, skull were soggy and heavy with emotion. Everything had gotten away from me, and there I was, suffocating.

My bloated midsection surfaced like a fleshy island. My toes wiggled out as well. My body looked almost as unkempt as it felt. My stomach gurgled, and the wave of sadness soaked me once more.

Without thought, I leaned back against the floor of the bath. I closed my eyes, opened my mouth, let the water fill my nose. I didn't move to breathe, not at first. I waited until my chest was deflated and my lungs were wholly emptied out. In this short moment of emptiness, I felt it. I felt him. And I felt the absence of him whistle in between my ribs again. I was drowning beneath it all. With every passing second, my temperature soared. Fever pulsed through my veins, burning me alive. My blood boiled beneath the skin, beneath the water. It took everything in me to keep from sitting up. The mountain of things I was regretting held me under, but eventually I knew my brain would bust.

The water fell away, leaving me face to face with the reflective wall, face to face with myself.

I gasped for air, giving my body what it wanted for once.

"You're close. I can sense it," I say out loud. The sound bounces off the water and through the air. Sweat beads on my forehead and mixes with the droplets. My heart is racing as I await my answer.

"You're easy to find."

Goosebumps rise on my skin, confirming my suspicions. I see him now, in the corner of my eye. His chin rests on the side of the tub.

"How then?" I ask, "If you're going to find me anyway. You might as well tell me how."

He sighs and pushes himself forward. I don't feel the need to cover myself, knowing he has seen the depths of my mind. There is no part of me I am afraid to show him.

"I don't understand it myself," he says, "But I went to Jakku. I saw the shack you called home and the scratch on the walls. And I felt it. How lonely you must've been. It permeated through me like a sickness and suddenly I was looking through your eyes at Leia."

"Jakku," I gasped, "What did you do?"

"I realised that place - it holds some sort of power for you. The things you touched - the time you spent waiting for your life to have meaning - counting the days until-,"

"Enough." 

My head is pounding as a smile stretches across his face. His lips don't part. I see something flash in his eyes.

"Counting the days until we met."

With that, the vision of him evaporates. I sink back under the water and wonder how I will escape from this.

 

***


End file.
